Sex please. We're not embarrassed.

From the survey results we can report that the public have long since moved on from sheepishly asking their local pharmacist if they stock condoms.

72% of respondents report that they do not suffer any embarrassment buying condoms whatsoever. Of the 28% who do, most fall into the young person category below the age of 25. Those over this age cheerfully throw their condoms in their basket along with their fruit, veg and headache pills.

The public also do not appear to be embarrassed by condoms being advertised on television either. In fact nearly 76% believe that it is perfectly acceptable to advertise condoms on television before the nine o'clock watershed. 22% would rather wait until after this time, while only 2% are content to keep waiting - they don't believe condoms should be advertised on television at all.

How many, darling?

When it comes to notches on the bedpost, 69% of our respondents claim that they have never lied to their partner about how many sexual partners they have had. The remaining 31% used the survey to come clean. It appears that younger men feel the need to embellish the numbers more so than women, although the need to do so declines after the age of 25, where the trend in bedroom boasting tails off.

There appears to be subtle gender differences when it comes to declaring your number of sexual encounters. 66% of our male respondents report that they have told their partner they have had more lovers than they have had in real life. On the other hand, 52% of female respondents felt that it was important to tell their partner they had slept with fewer people than they actually had. The survey confirms that 'modified' numbers are suspicious at best, and highly unreliable at worst!

Where have you been?

Often in the same breath as 'how many partners?', the inevitable question of cheating soon arises. While 65% of our respondents say that they would never cheat, just under 35% would. Of those that do, 12% claim that the event is likely to occur on a 'night out'.

If you are keen to avoid/meet one of the 35% of respondents who cheat on a night out, you may wish to bypass/visit the South East, where 27% of the local cheaters get up to no good. By contrast, you still get cheaters on a night out in Wales and Northern Ireland, but at only 4%, they are virtuous by comparison.

When is a kiss just a fumble?

The survey confirmed that 'cheating' might be open to interpretation, but it came as no surprise that 75% of our respondents state that 'penetrative sex' is considered cheating.

Respondents confirmed that 'snogging' and 'oral sex' are also high on the cheating list. 20% of respondents classed 'bottom pinching' as an infidelity, while 23% were keen to point out that the advent of the communication era means that 'texting' is a cheating crime too.

Beware of the looker with the ...er... nice coloured eyes

While we would never claim that there is any scientific truth in this observation, our survey suggests that people with blue and brown eyes are more likely to cheat than people with hazel and grey eyes. You might feel this is inconsequential, but our survey also suggests that nearly 17% of respondents find a person's eyes their sexiest attribute. You have been warned.

Do aphrodisiacs exist?

Yes, but you can forget oysters! The best aphrodisiac is to put some time aside at the weekend and get a good take-away in. Of those respondents who preferred having sex at the weekend (Saturday night being very popular with 9% of respondents), they seem to prefer Chinese food. We offer no rational scientific explanation for this, but by the same token, we can see from our charts that 'burger and chips' or 'kebabs' do not produce the same return.

Are you good in bed or do you just sleep for days?

More surprising than the 42% who claim to be good in bed was the 49% who claimed they were 'about average'. Just over 5% of our respondents were happy to declare that they were not good in bed at all. (The remaining 3% were virgins).

For interest and comparison, we asked them to rate their current or most recent partner. 63% claimed that their partner was good, while 28% rated them average. Only 7% said that their partner wasn't very good at all. (The remaining 3% did not have a sexual partner to speak of).

As it is very difficult to set a benchmark for performance, it remains difficult to separate the mediocre testimonies from the false modesty. While the question of 'how good are you?' remains a wholly subjective affair, the survey revealed some other insights that might explain poor bedroom 360s...

Does your ceiling need painting?

With bedroom performance levels in question, we looked for answers in how focused our respondents are on each other during sex. Are they really living the erotic moment, or are they thinking they forgot to record Corrie?

56% of respondents confirm that they think about their partner during sex. While that is reassuring, it is more fun to look at what the other respondents are thinking about...

It appears that nearly 10% are busy wishing that their partner was Brad Pitt or Charlize Theron, 15% are thinking about their former lover, 10% are thinking about having sex with someone of the same sex, while 5% are thinking about their boss.

Nearly 10% think about 'nothing' while the remainder of respondents think of everything from 'housework' to 'shopping'. With so many bedroom distractions, it is perhaps no wonder that so many people consider themselves 'average' in bed!

Can we spice things up a little?

To decide on what 'average' actually means, we thought we'd get a handle on what exactly the nation is getting up to sexually behind closed doors.

Apparently we are a nation of talkers; nearly 71% of respondents happily chat away to their partner about their deepest sexual fantasies while an amazing 45% engage in phone sex.

In the event that Coronation Street failed to record, 65% of our respondents watch porn. More surprisingly, this is very evenly split between men (32%) and women (32%) quashing the stereotype that porn is for men with too much internet access.

In absence of the television or telephone, 43% of respondents use role play while another 40% like to engage in spanking. Bondage and cross dressing is lower on the titillation scale, but is still enjoyed by 24% and 41% respectively.

Nearly 68% of our respondents like using lubricants while 46% enjoy pleasure enhancing condoms. 53% are happy to reach for the vibrator and an amazing 38% reach for the handcuffs! When it comes to sex, to our respondents being 'average' means being very open minded and willing to give anything a go.

Indecent proposal or just good financial sense?

We now finish with the ultimate taboo question; the question of a thousand Christmas parties: "would you and for how much?".

Well nearly 30% of respondents would, but they don't come cheap at £1 million. 15% would also do it for £100,000 while another 15% would do it for £25,000. 13% said they would do it for free which begs the question why someone would be offering to pay them in the first place?